Toshisami Ficlets
by plaidshirtjimkirk
Summary: A collection of Kondo/Hijikata ficlets, in AU and canon settings. Each chapter can be read as a stand-alone work.
1. Toshi's Secret

Thank you for checking this out! My friends and I play a game in which someone gives a pairing and a setting to write for...and that's how all of this happened. :D I'm cross-posting here from AO3 and left some chapters out because they're a bit nsfw and short. If you'd like to see the entire work, please look me up on AO3 at plaidshirtjimkirk. Many thanks!

First up is a retail AU...in which Toshi works at a little ol' place named Victor's Secret.

* * *

 **.*Toshi's Secret*.**

Toshi had _heard_ the sales at Victor's Secret caused retail hell on earth, but no amount of words could do living through such an experience justice. It was chaos, plain and simple—long lines, frustrated customers, an off-handed jock strap flung through the air every so often, and a whole lot of shouting.

He'd been done before even _arriving_ for this shift...but it wasn't until the moment Toshi's eyes landed on a certain individual waiting to check out when he wished most of all that he could disappear.

"...Next," he called out warily, avoiding his eyes.

"Hello..." Isami squinted and leaned over to purposefully read his nametag out loud, "Toshi."

"Welcome to Victor's Secret," Toshi droned and immediately took the mesh bag filled with all kinds of sexy underwear. He paused, his brows drawing in momentarily, before starting to arrange the garments. A garter belt. Cheeky briefs, one purple and one gold. Lacy...

A hand pressed to his to stop his sorting.

"I was wondering..." Isami began as Toshi drew his elbow back. He glared with annoyance while Isami lifted two thongs.

"Don't," Toshi snapped.

"What is your opinion on these?" Isami asked anyway. "I'm thinking of buying a pair for my boyfriend, but I'm not sure if I should get the lace—" He held up the thong in his right hand. "—or the plain black?"

Tossing his head to the side, Toshi snarled. "...Maybe you should buy _both_ if you really can't make up your mind."

Isami's lashes fell as he smiled widely. "Both it is, then." He leaned against the counter on his forearm, looking around innocently while Toshi finished scanning all the items.

"That'll be..." He sighed softly. "That'll be $557.92."

"Put it on the card," Isami said, sliding it across the surface.

The transaction was completed and Toshi handed a fancy onyx bag over. "Have a nice day," he grated.

"I'm planning on making it a nice night, actually," Isami replied, winking with a soft grin and then taking his leave.

"I'd _kill_ to be that guy's boyfriend," said the cashier next to Toshi, while scanning items—and Toshi's face turned so fast he might've gotten whiplash. "You should've been more friendly to him, dude. Are you stupid?"

Ignoring the next customer in line, Toshi found it favorable instead to bark, "I _am_ his boyfriend!"


	2. Toshi's Other Secret

Striptease AU...and a direct continuation of Toshi's Secret.

* * *

 **.*Toshi's Other Secret*.**

It was even hard on Toshi himself, for how long it took to reemerge from the bedroom...but all actions had due consequences. After all, Kat-chan had thought he'd been so slick today with showing up to torment him at work, and now it was _his_ turn to take some of his own medicine. Toshi gave one last look in the mirror before strutting toward the door and opening it.

His eyes instantly fell on Kat-chan sitting up on the couch, his spine straighter than Toshi had ever witnessed in his life. Lips parted and the confusion which crossed his face—now _that_ was rewarding.

"T...Toshi..." he stammered.

Tossing his head aside, Toshi's weight shifted to one hip and he gazed off. "What," he said, rather than asked.

"You're—"

"I'm?"

"—well, you're. ...You're dressed."

Fighting to prevent the smirk that threatened to pull at his lips and ruin everything, Toshi successfully got his emotions under control and then peered at Kat-chan. "So, I am." He brushed down the black t-shirt and then hooked his thumb into the hem of his trousers.

Kat-chan blinked and hesitantly pushed his palms against his thighs before rubbing them together. "I, uh." His eyes wandered to some obscure point to the left before slowly returning to Toshi. Brows were raised by now. "...thought you were trying on what I bought you."

"I did," Toshi confirmed. "I'm wearing _something_ you gave me."

"Okay..." Kat-chan began hesitantly, but whatever he might have said next never made it out of his mouth.

"Guess you'll have to wait to find out what it is..." Toshi declared with an airy sigh. He grabbed his shirt by the fabric at the shoulders and slowly lifted it over his head—then tossed the garment at Kat-chan. "...Kondo-san."

He'd start pulling the rest of his clothes off...eventually. But for now, Kat-chan could sweat it out for a bit.


	3. Gratitude

Can be canon-verse or modern au. The prompt was Kat-chan washing Toshi's hair.

* * *

 **.*Gratitude*.**

He could wash his own hair—obviously. Just as he could don his own clothing and prepare his own meals and sleep in his own bed and live his own life. But given the _choice_ to do such things with someone else...well. When he was younger, Hijikata had never imagined himself agreeing to any of it.

But that was all before he'd met _him_ , before he'd come to know the magic those hands could work in so many ways. Hijikata exhaled as Kondo's digits gently massaged his scalp and worked down through his long hair.

"Toshi..." Kondo said softly. "Time to rinse out."

Toshi slid forward just enough in the bath to tip his head back and wash the soap from his locks. When finished, he righted himself, rolled his shoulders forward and then returned to his former position, pressed to Kondo's chest.

Strong arms wrapped around him and a breathy exhale feathered over his ear. "Thank you."

A finely manicured brow twitched. Why was _he_ being thanked when Kat-chan had done _him_ the favor? Though he couldn't see Kondo's face from this configuration, he turned his own to the side. "...For what?"

Hijikata felt a huff fall over his shoulder and Kondo's embrace tighten. And that was all the answer he needed to know that Kondo was just as grateful to share his life with Hijikata as Hijikata was to share his own with him. Slender hands pressed to Kondo's forearms and held tight, until the water grew lukewarm.


	4. Counterpoint

Lawyer AU.

* * *

 **.*Counterpoint*.**

"I know what you're going to say." Kondo kept his attention trained to the shuffling of papers as he spoke, and decidedly _not_ on Hijikata standing in silence before his desk. He flipped through the stack once more with his thumb, before sliding it into his briefcase and standing.

Adjusting his belt and then straightening out his suit, Kondo found it strange that Hijikata still hadn't voiced the same dispute which always arose with this particular subject. _'He's just being lazy and you're spoiling him_ ,' was the typical response Hijikata _hadn't_ given this time, but Kondo found himself replying anyway.

"You know that I can't say no...not when Souji asks me to help him with a case." His gaze sought out the cityscape, before he tapped the briefcase against the desk and nodded firmly. "I'll make it up to you later, Toshi, all right?"

As Kondo began a purposeful, swift stride past Hijikata, a hand shot out and grabbed his arm, stilling him.

"Kondo-san..." Hijikata breathed, and then turned so his lips fell against his ear. "Objection."

It appeared...Hijikata had changed his method of presenting his argument on this particular subject, and Kondo found himself strangely at a loss to counter it—at least not when his partner's body was purposefully pressed against his own like this.

He inhaled sharply. When the counterpoint was given like this, well... It made Kondo pause long enough to consider that perhaps Souji _hadn't_ been in such dire need for his assistance after all.


	5. Flowers for Whom

Delivery Person/Florist AU

* * *

 **.*Flowers for Whom*.**

It had become a Saturday tradition at noon: Toshi heading toward the entrance to his apartment before the chime even rang out. As he padded across the hardwood floor in his favored white slippers, he made quick work of giving his hair a shake and then running his hands back over it to ensure no locks were out of place.

It was a little silly and he _knew_ it...but Toshi couldn't deny feeling that old familiar pang of anxiety within him at the moment. There'd been no deviation from their current pattern over the last two months, nor any indication that anything would be different on this occasion. Yet, he couldn't stop wondering if last weekend had also been the last time. What if he'd missed his chance? And if the universe would be so generous to grant him another, could he _finally_ conjure the courage to say what he'd been wanting to since that first day he'd been left breathless?

Toshi drew a deep inhale and braced himself, then opened the door—and promptly tried to conceal the surge of relief which flooded him.

 _Golden-eyes_ was standing before the threshold as per usual, with his soft smile and kind greeting. "Good afternoon, Hijikata-san. How are you this weekend?"

"Hey..." Toshi replied, caught off guard by the gentleness of his own tone. "I'm fine."

"Gladiolas this week, hm?" _Golden-eyes_ asked, handing over with care the dozen of flowers wrapped in cellophane.

"Mm." Toshi reached out to receive them; in all honestly, he hadn't even recalled _what_ he'd purchased from . "Thanks." His eyes fell to the ground for a beat, and just as he began gathering courage to broach the topic which had gnawed at him from that first pivotal moment, _Golden-eyes_ stole the words right from his lips.

"They're lucky, you know... If you don't mind me saying."

Taken aback, Toshi blinked and shifted all of his weight to his heels. "...Who?"

 _Golden-eyes_ ' smile grew and he gazed off to the side, before looking back. "The person you buy these flowers for every weekend." He offered a courteous nod. "Which...we appreciate your patronage so much. And look forward to serving you next Saturday! That is..." A hand rubbed at the back of his head. "If you keep up the tradition, of course. Anyhow, you have yourself a nice day."

And after that awkward exchange, he was off.

Toshi could do nothing but let his mouth fall as he watched this man who'd stolen his heart walk away, believing the absolute opposite of what was the truth. In all honesty, the entire situation had begun with Souji sending over a dozen roses as a joke...and now, Toshi's pulse pounded in his ears and his chest ached with a pain he couldn't even rightly describe.

But he had one thought. ' _He thinks I'm buying these flowers for someone_...'

And in that moment, Toshi realized it was do or die. He recklessly tossed the flowers into his apartment and bound out the front door, chasing after the florist delivery man while not even bothering to change out of his slippers.


	6. Advice for Two

I wrote this some time ago, but didn't want to post it outside of tumblr since it's super short and informal...but now that this collection exists, it can go here. I'd been working through some block with this one, so it's super short and in first person.

Super fluffy fluff ahead from Toshi's POV.

* * *

 **.*Advice for Two*.**

"When are you going to learn to take better care of yourself?"

That's what Kat-chan asked, with his forehead pressed to mine and his fingers combing gently through my loosened hair.

I huffed, but before I could even reply, he made a soft sound of disapproval and barely shook his head. "Don't."

"Don't _what_?"

His lashes fell and he smiled. "Start on with your excuses."

My lips pushed out into a purse at that.

With his eyes opening then, his expression turned serious. "I mean it, Toshi…working late, skipping dinner, brushing it off when your body is cold…" Kat-chan's hands at last retreated from stroking through my hair and the next I knew, large warm palms were cupping my cheeks. "It's not good," he insisted softly, his brows twitching inward and thumbs beginning to caress beneath my eyes.

I exhaled through my nose.

 _Unbelievable_ …

The sincerity in his gaze had my own dropping for a pensive moment, before my hands lifted to press firmly atop his.

"Kondo-san…" I breathed, attempting to keep my tone neutral—though the formal usage of his name gave away my actual feelings. "It's interesting you should say all that."

Kat-chan's eyes widened and he drew back slightly. "Eh?!" He blinked. "W–What do you—?"

My lips twitched into the makings of a soft smirk. "Since you, yourself, were up until this hour working…"

His jaw went slack momentarily. "Well…well, that's different—"

" _And_ ," I pressed, "Since you insisted that I eat your last onigiri at dinner tonight…"

"A—ah." The realization was dawning on him. "…But—"

I cocked my head and lifted a brow. "And since you put your own haori over me just now, after talking about how cold it is…"

Kat-chan's eyes fell to my black clad shoulders for a moment, and then it was clear he knew he'd been defeated. His features softened and the tension in his body relaxed as he forced a laugh.

"So, while I do appreciate your advice…Kondo- _sensei_ …" My fingers flexed over his knuckles. "…maybe we should _both_ take it."

He was laughing again after that, a quiet chuckle this time that came naturally. "Sorry, Toshi…" Kat-chan mumbled, withdrawing his hands from my face and opting to instead pull me close. His scent inundated me, messed with my head and had me closing my eyes. "You're right. But it's not in my nature to think about myself." A pause, and then he nuzzled my hair. "I just want the best for you."

Though he couldn't see it, I knew he could feel the smile in my voice and for once, I did nothing to conceal the fact. "I know that," I said, the words riding out airily and in satisfaction, and I finally lifted my arms to embrace him just as tightly.

" _And I love you for it_ ," was what I hadn't added.

…but I knew he heard that anyway, too.


	7. Without a Word

Toshi's upset, Kat-chan comforts

* * *

 **.*Without a Word*.**

It was early on when Kondo had come to learn that not everything in life warranted an explanation—or even had one. On some instances, it simply wasn't about _why_ something happened, but _how_ one dealt with what unexpectedly landed in his lap. And on this particular evening, that something was Hijikata.

Candlelight roused soft gold upon the interior of Kondo's quarters as he immersed himself in his favorite story yet again, so deeply engrossed within the tale of Kanko's bravery that he hadn't even heard the approaching footsteps on the porch. The shoji suddenly flying open across the track sent a jolt through his body and had his spine straightening—and when he saw Hijikata's face, he'd known then and there that something was amiss.

Contrasting the strength with which he'd opened the door, Hijikata turned and softly slid it shut again. Kondo's lips parted but whatever he'd intended to speak was abandoned at the sight of Hijikata remaining in place with his palm still pressed to the shoji and his shoulders dipping slightly.

Still without a word, Kondo waited. And when several short seconds passed with no change to the situation, he gently asked, "Toshi?"

Hijikata's face lifted and he turned, slow and deliberate, to meet Kondo's eyes. The intensity of emotion he'd worn so openly had faded now, and perhaps to anyone else, it would seem it'd all been but a fleeting moment. Kondo, however, was better versed than anyone when it came to his own, and that meant he knew better.

He closed the book immediately without even marking the page, set it beside him on the tatami, and pushed it away. Though he continued the quietude, he was acutely aware of the softening in his gaze as his hands lifted, palms open and fingers stretching out in invitation.

Hijikata remained still in his own contemplation, and it took one gentle drop of Kondo's chin before his feet began carrying him across the room. His approach was nearly cautious, but then he lowered to straddle Kondo's legs and willingly slid into the waiting embrace. Arms closed around him tightly like clockwork, drawing him even nearer, and Kondo pressed his lips unto one purple-clad shoulder.

He wouldn't demand what had stirred Hijikata's indignation, wouldn't pry for more than what Hijikata was willing to tell; instead, he simply held him–kept him enveloped in his warmth and let his fingers flex into the fabric of hakamashita. Regardless of what occurred, no matter what had come to pass, there was one thing that rang true: Kondo was there, as he always had been and always would be.

His lashes fell as time ticked by and Hijikata settled deeper into his embrace, making it easier to nuzzle him. And at last, the problem presented itself with the utterance of one name.

" _Souji_."

Kondo's lips twitched and he inhaled with a small shake of his head. "I know."


	8. Commingled Thoughts

Sharing dinner together

* * *

 **.*Commingled Thoughts*.**

Sannan had once said, "Meals taste better when everyone eats together," and certainly, he'd been right. Some of Kondo's most treasured memories blossomed from when dusk painted the sky in pink and gold over the Shieikan, when his beloved comrades sat side-by-side to indulge in a hard-earned repast. …But there was also just something about those quiet evenings here in Kyoto, when communal dinnertime had been foregone for other responsibilities and he found himself in only Hijikata's company.

There were several advantages to working a little harder and a bit later, after all…and perhaps the biggest of all was in Kondo's zabuton cushion being placed much nearer to Hijikata's than when they ate with everyone else. The trays had been set down in adjacent configuration, in such close proximity that their knees touched upon sitting before them.

Steamed white fish, local vegetables, rice, and of course miso soup… Kondo found the Yagi residence's culinary abilities second to none in the west, and as he enjoyed tonight's medley of flavors, he found them even more palatable than usual. In the corner of his eye, he saw Hijikata sipping his soup and wondered if it was because of _him_ , because of the intimacy this occasion granted them.

One mutual look had conveyed their agreement to waive use of the common room, in favor to settle in Hijikata's. And that's how they wound up here, both contentedly reveling in the peace that could be found only when it was just the two of them.

No arguments, no bickering. No mischief or antics. Just savory fare and pleasant companionship.

"You're smiling, Kondo-san," Hijikata breathed suddenly, and it was in that moment when Kondo realized how openly he'd been wearing his emotions.

"Ah…" He felt heat rise to his cheeks and looked to his tray.

"Thinking about something good?"

Kondo slightly pursed his lips and placed his rice down. "I wonder, hm."

A soft snort left Hijikata and his soup bowl was set aside. Letting his gaze wander to the empty dishware, Kondo reached for his own and took a sip, before offering the rest with a smile. "Here, take mine."

"Huh?" Hijikata blinked. "You don't want any more?"

Kondo balanced his chopsticks across a dish and then took Hijikata's hand, steadily placing the bowl in it. "You love miso soup, Hijikata-san," he declared, perpetuating the flirtatious use of formal address. "And dare I say I enjoy watching you indulge in what you love."

" _Kat-chan_ ," Hijikata admonished and tossed his face to the opposite side, before righting it; however, he didn't meet Kondo's gaze upon the return.

" _Now_ who's thinking about something good?" Kondo's tone was laden with cheer as he took up his chopsticks again with a wide grin.

"Cht…" Hijikata's complexion had taken a soft shade of rose and he closed his eyes while drinking the remainder. When finished, he stacked the empty bowl inside the other and finally turned back. "You really want to know what I'm thinking?"

"Hm?" Kondo hummed, bringing a bite to his lips.

"We should work late more often."

Exhaling through his nose, Kondo chuckled. "It looks like our thoughts are once again very much in tune, Toshi-san."


	9. Lost and Found

The prompt was getting lost somewhere. Written from Toshi's POV

* * *

 **.*Lost and Found*.**

The world. When I'm alone with him, it doesn't matter. And actually, I'd venture so far to say that nothing means more than his pinky wrapped around mine now.

Above the dirt path, high noon sparkles through the lazy sway of maple branches, dots his complexion with droplets of sunlight that shift along with the leaves. His lips purse and he looks about with a squint, then hums.

"We're lost," I say, rather than ask, careful to keep my voice flat.

...Don't get me wrong. It's not that there isn't anything more to life than him. As individuals, we're something. But together? That's something entirely different.

He takes a breath, raising a hand to rub at the back of his head. "Well, I..." If his first intention was to deny it, his mind had been changed quickly. "Yes." Golden eyes soften with a lift of his brows and he finally looks to me, blush dusting light blotches of color about his cheeks. "For now." It's an insistant addition, complete with a strong nod. "Don't worry, though. We'll get back on track as soon as we find the main road again. Which I think is..." His words dissipate into a mumble as his palm presses to his neck and he glances about.

"Mmhmm."

At that, he turns to me again. "Ah, you're..." His hand falls to his side, and I feel his finger tightening around mine. "You're mad, aren't you?"

"Mad," I repeat, plainly. "You insisted on wandering off the Nakasendo Path for a shortcut, and now we're lost." Casting a glance to the side, my lower eyelids raise just a speculative touch. "Why would I be mad?"

"I," he starts, breathy and sincere, and then moves to put himself in my line of sight. "I'm really sorry."

At last, I can't play the role any longer and give it up, the corners of my lips twitching with fondness that I don't even bother to conceal. I just look at him, this person so beautiful inside and out, and wonder not for the first time why fate chose me to be the one allowed to hold his hand. Society rejects us, insists we don't belong. We dress like samurai, we walk like samurai. We even love like samurai. But in the eyes of the world, we never could be considered as such because we'd be born of dirt-of farmers.

But out here? In the middle of nowhere?

All that matters is his pinky wrapped around mine.

"You're sorry?" I ask, stepping up to him so close that our breaths mingle. "I'm not."

And lost on some random mountain path in Edo, I kiss him and don't even want to be found again.


	10. Considerations

The prompt was pet names. Set during the Shieikan era. Kat-chan doesn't push and Toshi...he's working through some things.

* * *

 **.*Considerations*.**

 _Ishida Village, Sato Dojo_

From the head of the training hall Kondo's gaze pierced a mishmash of farmers, the sea of drab attire they comprised appearing almost refined when compared to their abysmal posture and form.

"What are you here for?!" Kondo rocked forward and heaved his shinai with powerful skill, his words echoing throughout the dojo.

A chorus of voices filled the air, ranging from the charismatic, " _Becoming strong!_ " to the whiny, " _Aghhh, I don't even_ _know_ …"

"This is our territory!" Up front, the shinai sliced the thickness of summer heat over and over. "It's on _us_ to look after our families, our land." _Swoosh!_ "The Tennen Rishin Ryu will help you do just that."

"Yes!" yelled a young man with fire in his eyes, "Kondo-sensei!"

"Put your backs into it! Check that grip!"

Again, the replies came with an equal balance of determination and complaint–and that's when Kondo's lips twitched in satisfaction and he looked off to the side. Meeting his gaze, Sato Hikogoro's chin fell with a strong nod.

"Keep at it!" Kondo commanded and then strode off to join his friend, raising an arm on the way to dab the sweat from his forehead. Upon his arrival, he cast a furtive glance to the new recruits and then returned his attention. "Quite an animated lot you've attracted, Hiko-san."

"Reckon they'll be in good form shortly if they regularly attend practice…and I'm sure they will." Sato shrugged with a fond huff. "I know a thing or two about farmers, after all."

"And these are _Ishida Village_ farmers we're talking about. Now that's really something." Kondo gave a jovial slap to Sato's shoulder. "Really though, great stock. These guys will do well. I have faith in that."

A smirk graced Sato's face while he nodded once more. And just as his lips parted to speak further, his chance was stolen by the crashing of a wooden sword against the floor.

"My arms!" A middle-aged man had dropped to his knees by this point, while his shinai rolled off and his expression twisted in agony. "I can't anymore!"

"Hey!" Sato's shout thundered over the background noise of collective exertion. Grabbing the shinai from Kondo, he stamped to his rightful place at front and center to lead. "Kondo-sensei is here from Edo! Stand tall and show him what you're made of, come on!" With perfect form, he took up the repetitions. "Prove to him that you're worth learning his fighting style. For Tama!"

" _For Tama!_ " came the crowd's bellowing response.

The man who'd fallen groaned loudly, his shoulders and head drooping before collecting himself. Rising back to stand, he adjusted the sword in his grasp, repositioned his feet, and with a deep cry, rejoined the flock. "For Tama!"

Pride blossomed within Kondo's chest. Sato had been a friend for years at this point and his mastery of this so-called _farmer's swordplay_ earned him the privilege of opening and instructing at his own dojo. His success story was bred of dedication and an obsessive nature of never quitting.

While he continued to observe in satisfaction, Kondo's thoughts took him on a quick trip through the memories of his own tale…how he'd come to be adopted into this life of leadership and training, and the key individuals he'd met from such fortune. And as if fate were at work yet again, he felt the prodding of intuition: a sensation of eyes on him.

Kondo looked toward the doorway and as suspected, found himself being watched with enamored curiosity–but the moment their gazes met was the same that Hijikata averted his own. He pivoted on feet light as air and vanished from the entrance. An affectionate smile pulled outward to Kondo's cheeks and after glancing over Sato's new students hard at work once more, he strolled out to the porch.

August hung stale and heavy, but unlike the dojo, the outside world had the luxury of a light breeze…among other pleasant things.

Hijikata sat with his legs draped over the edge, and he peered over his shoulder when Kondo's bare feet pounded heavy steps across the wooden planks. Dropping to sit as well, Kondo reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Hijikata's ear before his palm met the porch.

They remained in pleasant silence for several moments with their elbows grazing each other, until Kondo's hand inched its way toward Hijikata's and their pinkies touched. "Big thoughts, Toshi-san?"

"Heh. Maybe."

"Maybe…" Kondo echoed and lifted his chin to take in an azure sky just beyond the cedar roof. "Is that…maybe considering training at your brother-in-law's fancy new dojo? Since it's literally just outside your own room?"

Hijikata's lashes fell and he shook his head. "Nope."

Of course, that was the answer Kondo expected. He swayed to the side and played along, however. "Mm, why?"

With his shoulders lifting, Hijikata's face fell to the side and over an exhale, he supplied, "Blame yourself for that one."

Kondo's attention instantly snapped back to him, caught off guard by a potential jab of serious criticism. "Me?" A slow blink. "Why?"

" _Kondo-sensei, Kondo-sensei_. That's all I ever hear anyone calling you." A soft huff rolled off Hijikata's tongue. "If I make that kind of commitment, I'll have to call you that too."

Closing his eyes, Kondo relaxed and his laugh resounded through the garden. "What's this strange conversation?!"

Hijikata's pinky rose then and settled back over the one next to it. "I prefer calling you _Kat-chan_ , Kat-chan."

With a chuckle, Kondo looked down to their entwined digits and then found Hijikata's eyes again. "If that's all that's stopping you, Toshi-san, I'm pretty sure an exception can be made…"

Naturally, there was more to the story. Self-doubt and a little healthy competition…the necessity of feeling and being necessary in one's own way. It wasn't all so simple, and Kondo knew that fact as well as he knew the man at his side.

Still, Hijikata grinned in kind and peered out across the colorful arrangement of flowers that his sister planted before the dojo's grand opening. "I'll consider it."

Kondo's hand fully covered his then. "Good enough for me."


	11. An Exercise in Politics

There's a husband on the right and a favored son to the left. They're fighting over who Kondo loves more, when the truth is...Kondo really just loves them both so much. What's a man to do? Politics, apparently.

The prompt was pillow fight, which turned into a crack-ish flash fic.

* * *

 **.*An Exercise in Politics*.**

"You're here _again_?!" Hijikata demanded from just outside the doorway, with Kondo peering over his shoulder from behind.

Stretched out over the tatami, Okita squinted up from where he'd been so pleasantly relaxing and his lips curved upward. "Hnn~? Nice to see you too, Hijikata-san."

"Cht." With a toss of his head to the side, Hijikata's long hair was sent sailing out with a swish as he stormed over the threshold. "You can't just show up in Kondo-san's room whenever you want. Get out."

And from the entrance, a softer voice. "N...ne...Toshi."

"Can't I?" Okita asked with a toothy grin. "It's comfortable and quiet here, and Kondo-san said I'm always welcome." His shoulders rolled upward and he closed one eye, the smirk widening. "Besides. It seems you do an awful lot of walking in uninvited yourself, ne, Hijikata-san? You can't say anything."

"S—Souji..." Kondo's protest went once again entirely ignored.

As much as Hijikata was loath to admit it, Okita had a point. These quarters _did_ , indeed, officially belong to Kondo; however, Hijikata spent enough time here to feel as though he had some stake in the ownership as well...if being fucked into oblivion qualified as spending quality time, anyway. Whatever the case, he wouldn't allow Okita to one-up him and so the stakes needed to be raised. Fortunately, Hijikata knew damn well how to do just that in the bat of an eyelash.

"That right?" He huffed. "Well, maybe if Kondo-san liked you enough to make _you_ vice commander, then you'd have the same liberty. But he didn't and you don't. So get the hell out."

 _Success_.

The smirk fell from Okita's face in an instant, and that mischievous gleam in his eye disappeared without so much as a single blink. The muscles in his arms flexed as he slowly, tensely, pushed himself into a sitting position. "Excuse me...Hijikata-san..." His words were spoken slowly, and with purpose. "I believe I misheard you—" There was a dangerous tremble in his voice as his digits curled inward. "—claiming Kondo-san likes you more than me."

In the backdrop of rapidly unfolding war Kondo was speaking again but neither man heard a thing that left his mouth, both much too preoccupied with besting the other than listening to the one voice of reason in the room.

Hijikata's brow quirked as a vein popped out on his forehead. "Misheard?" He glared down through rims of dark lashes. "It appears you're as deaf as you are delusional."

Okita rose to his feet, his gaze locked with Hijikata's and limbs tight with anticipation. His right hand closed into a fist at his side. "And you, you old man." A heinous grin forced its way back across his features. "You're just living in denial."

"Denial," Hijikata reiterated through his teeth. "What, Souji, could I _possibly_ be in denial over?"

A particular shimmer returned to Okita's eyes—the kind of look his enemies saw last before their own closed for good. "That I'm Kondo-san's favorite." His chin dropped in a firm, almost challenging nod. "Because I _am_ Kondo-san's favorite."

"Oh?" Hijikata's thumb brushed over the hilt of his sword as he slowly neared. "Interesting that you actually think that's the case."

"It's not a matter of thinking, Hijikata-san..." Okita mirrored every movement with his own. "...but fact."

They were both so near now that their noses threatened to touch, with Hijikata returning the animosity in Okita's glower at full force. "Your facts, Souji," he stated with mock calmness, "are _wrong_."

"Ho~? Maybe you should ask him, then. Because he'll tell you, all right, " Souji replied in kind, his eyes widening. "Or is this so-called 'demon' afraid to face the truth?"

"I don't need to ask him because clearly, _I_ am Kondo-san's favorite," Hijikata growled.

"Wrong. _I_ am."

"...Heh. Don't talk in your sleep."

"Maybe _you're_ sleepwalking right now."

"You little _shit_ —!"

Before Hijikata could finish, he was cut off mid-sentence by something soft hitting him aside the head. He whipped around, glaring daggers, only to find Kondo tossing another pillow roll at Okita's.

"Since _neither_ of you are listening to a word I'm saying..." Jaw tight and brow furrowed, Kondo's arms crossed before him. "And since you're so eager to fight, at least use pillows. Less mess for me to clean up later." He shrugged, as if to mock the seriousness of the debate—the nerve! What could be more important than being declared his favorite?

"You know, _you_ could settle this yourself!" Hijikata barked, which instantly had Kondo's stately and above-it-all demeanor disintegrating with the raising of his brows.

"That's right, Kondo-san!" Okita pivoted and stepped forward. "Tell Hijikata-san that you like me more."

Kondo's mouth fell open and he rapidly peered between the two. He'd needed to intervene to stop the situation from needlessly escalating further, and while he was successful in doing that much, it appeared he also managed to redirect the focus of their collective ire—on himself. "W—well," he stammered.

"You can't say it, can you?" Hijikata insisted, approaching methodically as though he were stalking prey. "Because I'm your favorite. ...Right?"

"U—uh…Toshi…That's…"

Okita's hands tightened on his own pillow. "Say it, Kondo-san. Tell it like it is."

"Mm, well, that is…"

Hijikata mirrored the action. "…Yeah, _Kat-chan_ …"

The pressure in the room had skyrocketed, with Kondo inwardly floundering at how best to pacify both of them without further exacerbation. Sweat nearly began to bead on his forehead as he flip flopped to and fro, until it all became insufferable and his eyes snapped shut.

" _I can't!_ "

Those two words echoed off the walls from the force with which they left his mouth, the sudden outburst shattering the tension and leaving both men stopped dead in their tracks.

"Why do you put me in this position?! It's completely unfair!" Kondo's hand cut through the space and he pointed toward Hijikata. "You! You're—! Well, you're…" A blush formed over his cheeks and he immediately switched to Okita. "And you! You may as well be my son."

By now, Hijikata and Okita had gone still, their expressions lessening in severity, and Kondo decided this was sounding good. _Damn_ good, even. Therefore, he raised his head high and straightened his spine with newfound confidence. A strong nod followed. "The both of you mean everything to me. I can't imagine life without either of you."

The strength in his tone didn't last long, as Kondo couldn't prevent his voice from falling as soft as his gaze. "Toshi, my right-hand man…" A warm smile pulled at his lips as his focus shifted. "And Souji, the sword at my hip…" He stepped toward them, reaching out to lay his touch on each man's forearm. "No, I couldn't possibly choose between you."

Neither protested to that statement, and with an exhale of relief through his nose, Kondo's spine relaxed while his grin pulled even further to his cheeks. "So, with all that being said…Toshi..." A squeeze. "Souji..." A pat. "Can't you just accept that I value you both?"

Hijikata and Okita remained silent, before venturing an uneasy glance toward each other. Their eyes met and remained locked for several moments, before turning back.

Kondo glanced eagerly between them, entirely satisfied with himself and ready to hear the declaration of truce that would surely follow. Heh, maybe he was better at this politics thing than he gave himself credit for.

And just as he'd begun to entertain that thought, both Hijikata and Okita shouted, "No!" in unison and walloped Kondo with their respective pillows.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Minutes later, Kondo lay on his back, his arms stretched at his sides as he stared at the ceiling. The only company left in the room was pillows: one to his left and the other balanced on his abdomen; as for the individuals who _put_ him in such a state, well...they'd left in a huff, going in different directions down the porch.

Groaning loudly, Kondo closed his eyes. So. In trying to please both, he'd managed just the opposite. ...For now, that was. His lashes parted again at the thought, and a smile twitched its way over his face. Perhaps he needed a little more practice with politics, after all.

But it wasn't long thereafter when footsteps closed in once more and Hijikata stepped back inside with tea and a curt apology...when Okita then reappeared in the doorway, this time asking for permission to enter and then quietly sitting against the wall.

...Or maybe Kondo wasn't as lacking in skill as he thought. In any case, there was Choshu trash to take out, discussions about the future to be had, and plenty of opportunity to put what he did know to good use.

And who better to have by his side during these turbulent times than the two men he loved most? Kondo looked to Hijikata, his right-hand man and lover, and then to Okita: the sword at his hip, his son.

He finally pushed himself up, sitting beside Hijikata, and motioned at Okita to scoot over for tea. The three of them sipped in companionable silence from there…until Sannan showed up to ignite the next argument, anyway. But such was life.

Kondo closed his eyes and smiled, drinking his tea and letting Hijikata and Sannan go at it for a bit before intervening.

* * *

I wrote this months ago on whim and forgot about it...until I found it today and edited it. lmao Thanks for reading.


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